I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
