i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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