I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
