So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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