Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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