Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
