I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
should my penis look like a turkey
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
