Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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