Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
