i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
