Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
