I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
