I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
