you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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