So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
