Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
try to milk me bitch
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
