when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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