He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
