Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
