My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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