But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
