marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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