We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
