You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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