his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Even my vagina gasped.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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