toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
