Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
