I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
