i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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