Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
