I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
