she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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