why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
