i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
