Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
high people should be assigned attendants
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
