I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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