My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
