i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
