I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
