dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's shark week go big or go home
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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