he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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