GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
