I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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