Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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