It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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