I think I am morally bankrupt
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
