we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
