Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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