Don't you send me to vm
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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