so let's talk penis.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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