i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
