Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
